Trent woke up and could immediatley tell something was wrong. firstly his hand was attached to a torture machine and not a hungarian supermodel and secondly he hadnt been brought a cup of tea. Only coffee. And promises of certain death. He didn’t mind the death threats but the coffee was a bit much. ‘Nevermind the tea, tell me the truth about the secrets.’ Said the boss. He was rubbing his hands together like he was washing them except he wasnt it was because of the evil. Trent opened his mouth to speak then paused for a second, like a Sky television programme affected by light rain. REPARTEE! Trent suddenly made a wry comment! The boss ducked behind a control panel that made people die of lightning and waited for the more uproarious laughter to die down. Very good Trent, Said the boss even though he hadnt really got the joke. trent chuckled and briefly flashed an award winning smile. A 23 year old legal clerks bra fell off in Swindon except she didnt know why. But also a henchman had accidentally looked at it and was giving trent a look that Trent recognised very well. Anyone looking at Trent like that usually would of found themselfs dead or impregnated in the most violent fashion but trent was on a torture machine and as he had previously noted none of the people in the room were hungarian supermodels. Surprisingly this wasnt the biggest mistake he made in that second because he had also opened one of the leg handcuffs on Trent’s leg and before he had even had time to imagine how Trent’s muscular ankle might feel he was already discovering what a cobra style swing kick felt like. He had used to of been a karate judge before he was a henchman and instinctivly he rated the kick among the finest he had ever seen. His appreciation for it quickly went downhill though as it compounded his brain into his jaw and sent him crashing round the room like a puppet with a broken string.Now Trent was free from the leg handcuffs and also the hand handcuffs because of something else he had done and TO BE CONTINUED
“Hello Trent ive been expecting you” said a voice it was coming from in the speakers above Trents head. He could tell it was the boss beacuse it was his voice that was speaking. “I think youll find escape is quite…impossible hahaha”. Trent didnt want to escape though he was here to kill the boss, after that he would probably leave but if no one was trying to get him it wasnt really escaping. He thought for a second if he should explain this but instead tossed a gas bomb into the air conditioning ducts and somersaulted after it. Now there was a game of cat and mouse a deadly game of cat and mouse. The people in the base couldnt breathe because of the gas, except trent he had thrown the gas so was expecting it and wearing a mask, and the boss who had a gas mask but not the other people because he didnt want to buy them all one he had just paid a big national insurance bill and he wasnt going to go spending silly money on masks and things.
—— a romantic interlude——
Trent was in victorian times he had a top hat and a moustache and an insatiable appetite for industrial advancement. A boy with a soot on his face was selling newspapers that said things about victorian times and he was shouting them out so you could tell what times it was just from that. Also there was lots of fog an orphan tried to beg off trent but his cries for food were no match for trents tiger style hurricane kick. Just then the queen elizabeth saw all of this and trent seduced her easily with a tip of his hat and she had 17 children off him.
Trent was in his labrotary doing some science on his gun. “Hmm yes, ahh, let me see” he said and some other things that people say when they are doing something very clever. he was wearing a white coat and pointing some rulers near his gun when he said the things. Just then Trent thought of the prfect bit of science and did it to his gun! he pressed the button and about 17 bullets come out. “SHOWTIME’ said trent. Just then Mrs Cavendish came in with his tea Trent like to drink tea. “Oh yes” said Trent “set it down by the…” he stopped talking because of it wasn;t Mrs Cavenish” It was a beautiful accountant. Your not mrs cvendish ” said trent, looking out of his science glasses at her” actually im here about your tax return” the woman said but it was to late, some sex was already happeinng on her. Then He Went to the bosses base there was a guard outside, trent decided to kill him quietly so there wasnt any attention and because he had a bit of a headache from the science. Trent put some piano wire on the baddies neck “dont do that its not what its supposed to be fooo…” started to say (the henchman) but it was to late his throat was on the floor so he couldnt use it. And he was dead! Now Trent was in the base he looked around it was a lot tidier than he expected. He took his backpack off and got his hat and his gun and his lunch out. “Time to rock…’ began Trent as he combat clicked his gun and took a bite of Mrs Cavendishs sandwich. “..and roll” he finished saying. Some bits of sandwich landed on the baddies carpet. trent didnt care though it wasnt his house
hmm there was something familiar about this man trent thought, now what was it… Trent looked at the man on the face and also all over his body. He must of done at least 7 looks. “oh yes!” trent sudenly thought, he is my exact double and is wearing exactly the smae face and clothes as me. except it wasnt exactly the same clothes because of they wouldnt of both fit in his trousers no matter how nice they were they only had 2 legs for a start and even discounting what the men had in their pockets, guns probably, they never would of fit. besides the man was jumping around and trying to get trent so there was no time for anything like that anyway. The other man was almost as good as Trent and was shooting a machine gun really quickly at him so trent knew he would have to do one of his best tricks. Trent dodged the bullets that were being shot at him and hid behind a bush he knew the man would follow him there like candy to a baby ‘come to poppa’ trent thought. Trent was being very queit like when you pretend to be asleep because you want to lie in and someone opens your bedroom door a bit and looks at you. The man was coming up to behind the bush now so Trent quickly pretended to be a mirror and the man stopped and started doing his hair. BANG! Trent shot the man! Trent searched the almost trent for a clue and found a clue in his pocket. it was a note from the Boss! KILL TRENT AND RETURN TO SECRET BASE COORDINATES 1576-844. Trent left the trent double in the ditch and started running in the direction of the base he could see in the distance a pack of secretaries rushing over to the dead Trent double like a pack of cats rushing to some spilt milk. “hahaha have fun ladies ” he said to himself.
Trent wnet into the stripclub because of he had found a matchbox that said the name of it at the antiques office. He saw the ladies being paid to take there clothes off and the men looking at them. He wasnt sure why they werent just having sex with them for free instead. This annoyed him though and he karate choopped a few of them in the neck as he walked passed. He could see the boss stripper she was doing a dance on the stage Trent climbed on the stage and stunned her slightly with a modest roundhouse disguised as a pirouette. Now he could get the information. ‘where is your boyfriend i no he has the information of who set me up’. One of the strippers had been had sex with off trent before though and could see what was happening! She summoned the other strippers with a hawk like shriek and they all surrounded Trent like people surrounding a person! There was no way trent was going to pay each one of them €20 euros so he had to think fast. Trent started doing the maths in his head ’37 strippers… decimal… three… power of ten…’ Trent was getting bored though and just decided to pulverise the head stripper with a fantastic wheelkick. He had remembered his army training about strippers and knew the rest would run away without there master. He didnt have the information but he wasnt going to leave empty handed. trent scooped up some of the stragglers and abseiled out of the building onto a passigng lorry.
The antiques man picked up the pot very carefully it was very fragile like your nans voice when shes been out in the cold.He was wearing white gloves like a mickey mouse. Then he heard someone say “ancient etruscan i beleieve most likely 1576bc absolutely priceless of course” he turned round a man was standing there wearing some brand new €134 trousers. And a hat. A passing secretary fainted at how clever the thing she had just heard was. The two men stared silently for a second at the precious beauty in front of them… SNAPKICK! The antiques man looked down, at the end of his arms was a mess of shattered hands and pottery. Two seconds and various kung fu moves later he was knocked out. The antiques man woke up he could feel something on his back, he turned his head, there was a heavily muscled man having sex with a half conscious secretary on his back. “tell me the information, i know you work for the boss i lost a good pair of trousers that day who set me up?” said the man. “who..who are you?” asked the antiques man. Trent was so shocked he almost stopped having sex with the secretary. He looked at the man in the eyes and the man knew at once who he was dealing with. Trent asked him another question but it was to late the man had died because of fear! Trent tossed the secreatary into a shelf of antique door handles in disgust. He would have to ge tthe information another way. He dived out of the office window leaving behind him trail of broken antiques, fingers and hearts.
Trent climbed the fence to the top of the fence, then he dropped silently to the ground like a €79 negligee falling off the shoulders of a beautiful woman. Except trent landed in an abandoned boatyard and not on his bedroom floor. Trent could see the baddies base it was an old submarine but a guard dog was running at him! Trent used his skills and looked at the dog and could recognise a malady of discontent in its eyes. Trent put the beast out of its misery with an awesome suplex! Now the dog was looking at him from doggy heaven “it was good that that man did that I didnt like being a naughty guard dog and biting people” it barked to the dog next to him in doggy heaven. Now trent was coming up to the door of the submarine he could see a henchman guarding it trent guessed it was his first day on the job he was looking awkward and he didnt have the proper uniform on yet he was wearing his own jacket and not the blue one that all the normal henchmen had! Trent took him out with a stunning footsweep he fell in the water and a shark bit him! “Hahaha too easy” Trent said to himself but then he thought “hmmm a bit too easy a guard dog with a malady of discontent and a henchman on his first day” Trent was even more on his guard than usual which is a lot. Now Trent came to the bosses room, the bosses chair was facing the wall so Trent couldnt see him. BANG! Trent shot the chair but not the man! Trent looked in the chair but the boss wasn’t in it! There was just a note that said “BETER LUCK NEXT TIME TRENT”. Trent crushed the paper and it instantly turned to dust. Then Trent realised the beeping he could hear was a bomb and a trap! Trent started running and dived out of the submarine door just as the bomb exploded. Trent looked at his trousers a bit of mud was on them. Now he was really mad someone was going to pay. €3.50 for dry cleaning and a karate chopped face.
Trent said the password and now the man was unlocking the door. KRRR-CLICK! KRRR-CLICK! KRR-CLICK! Actually, there was four locks. KRRR-CLICK! Now the door was open and Trent walked into the secret base. He thought for a few seconds about shooting the doorman but changed his mind in case the door was locked when he wanted to go. The man looked relieved when trent stopped pressing the gun on his head. Trent walked down the corridor of the secret base and on each side there was rooms, trent looked in the rooms as he walked he could see at least 7 crimes going on but Trent was too busy to get involved or to stop the ones he didnt like. Finally, after what seemed like 30 seconds Trent got to the Bosses room. He could see the boss in the room walking around as he talked on the phone. trent waited for the perfect moment and then did a flying kick through the door and pinned the boss against the wall with it. “Room service!” shouted Trent as he flew through the air. The man’s neck broke instantly as Trent got him and his face was dead but had a smile on it! It was because he owned a chain of hotels and because of what Trent said in the air!
The man pushed open the door to the saloon, he was looking for Trent. The Saloon was in Asia somewhere and all the men in it looked really evil some of them werent wearing shirt. Other ones had headbands on and scars they all looked like they knew karate except one who only had one leg ‘ probably eaten off by a tiger or exploded off by a grenade’ thought the man. Then he heard it “hahaha” the last time he had heard that noise two men were dead and one woman had been had sex with. He looked through the crowd and saw Trent playing russian roulette! BANG! A man shot himself! BANG! Another man shot himself! CLICK! Trent didn;t shoot himself! “hahaha” he said “Too easy” as he collected the money and stepped over the dead bodies taking care not to have sex with any women in the room. The man gave Trent an envelope and Trent looked inside of it and found €147638 and a note he read the note it siad “KILL THE PRESIDENT”. Trent crunched the note into a ball and threw it in the air BANG! Trent shot the ball of paper and the man at the same time! He looked at the man he had just shot at the same time as the ball of paper and said “Don’t you know that periods of severe financial crisis require a strong socio-political base from which to resolve themselves!” Trent said but he didn;t really mean it he just wanted the money and couldnt of been bothered anyway.
“so this is london” said Trent as he looked out the taxi window. He was looking for the ambassadors house but all he could see was heathrow airport, the statue of big ben and oxford circus, then suddenly he saw it! “stop the car!” ordered trent, the man started braking but trent didnt have time for that and opened the door out on to the m25! The taxi driver shouted for him to stop but trent had already jumped and was rolling up to the door of the ambassadors house! The ambassador knew something was wrong maybe because of the training he had got off the army or maybe because of trent was smashing his door down! Trent was going to get to the bottom of this if it killed him or more likely if he killed evryone else. The ambassador had his own gun and was pointing it at the door ready to shoot Trent but then the window smashed and that was the way Trent had come in so it was all a big surprise and he grabbed the ambassador and the ambassador dropped his gun. Trent asked him about what had happened and then killed him just then the ambassadors wife came in. You could tell she fancied trent “Your a woman.Normally i would either have sex with you or kill you” siad trent “but i’m out of bullets”. She smiled and started walking towards him. CRACK! Trent broke her neck with a sickening karate chop that probably would of even killed a man or any animal you can think of, a lion easily. not an elephant lets not be silly but it was a hard chop.